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More from ~MyLifeIsRiggs

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May 23, 2012
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She is he, he is she
There is no one else they could be
Their love is endless
Simply stupendous
A rarity that all must see
Oh how wonderful oh how grand
Do tell me all you have planned
Start with your first meeting
Start with the crush
Tell me all since you blushed
For the first time
When your hands intertwined
When it all began to rhyme
Up till now, both years since
Take that long to recommence
But she narrates and she tells
With all the fervor of seventy bells
Always ringing never stopping
Not realizing all ears dropping
Oh how cute, you so shy
My god, he told a lie?
I do care, there's no contest
I am the one who listens best
My open heart lies fascinated
While my ceaseless sighs have matriculated
My true colors, I fear they show
But if they do, she does [not] know
And instead keeps insisting
The intense nature of their love
Bombarding her audience
With references from above
Her favorite pastime, simply stated
Begins: I am he, and he is me
There is no one else we could be
:iconmylifeisriggs:
Critique as you see fit <3
:iconreina-ali:
~Reina-ali May 24, 2012  Student General Artist
I actually REALLY like everything up until the line after "He told a lie". It obviously changes the tone, but it seem like a strange shift... Not bad in terms of content, but the flow....

HI I'M STILL BAD AT CRITIQUING CREATIVE WRITING BUT I'LL LEAVE NOW.
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:iconmylifeisriggs:
Ehhhh yeah it is rather strange. It seemed to make so much sense in my head, but I guess it doesn't translate well XD Ah well. Thanks for the critique! haha I was none too worried about this one though, it is very old I just decided to upload cause it was either that or lose it in my data dump when I turned in my mac. =P
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